May 24, 2012
I was thinking about this painting today long before I got back to working on it, and I saw in my mind’s eye dancing colors all around the central “seed,” so that’s what I painted. At first I had the thought that it was chaos, but then I sensed that it was dancing. Freedom. Life force bursting out of the seed. I like it.
And I can identify. I have a persistent sense that I was restless to be born—to no longer be inside my mother. When I tap into being inside her, I keep imagining a little voice saying, “Get me out of here!!” I felt the same way in my family and in the Midwestern city where I grew up. The West has always called to me. I feel home here‚ free to explore life within and around me without feeling as though I’m in a straightjacket.
The seed was the potential, and it was good while it lasted. Now I’m happily in a different phase.
March 17, 2012
I don’t know what happened with this painting. I sat down to paint and immediately got a sense of the red S-shaped things and then some small red dots. After that, all hell broke loose. It was as if some force took hold of my hand and started jerking it around in a frenzy. It was fine, of course, though my mind told me more than once that the style didn’t match the rest of the painting. I trust that something that wanted out got out, and that’s all that matters.
I’ve been somewhat of a homebody for the last several months—most likely the result of having gone on a long and rather dissatisfying trip last October and coming home craving a period of time of not having to adapt all the time. But yesterday Charlie said that although he loves being home, he really wants to do some traveling again before long, and I started to get really restless for a new adventure. Even if we can’t actually go on a trip for a while, we’re going to start researching and planning one. This is the first time in a really long time that I haven’t had a trip on the horizon, and it’s taking its toll. We’re talking about a trip to Oregon to see a close friend of mine whom I haven’t seen in a few years, and we’re dreaming of trips to Alaska, Hawaii, and Scotland.
Here’s today’s cloud photo: